Random Scavenged Items "As Seen on TV"

Just an odd idea I had for a post apocalyptic scavenge table.


01. 3 Way Poncho
02. 5 Second Fix
03. Allstar Innovations True Touch Deshedding Glove
04. BeActive Brace
05. Better Marriage Blanket
06. Big Vision Glasses
07. Bling String
08. Booty Pop
09. Bowl Brite
10. Box of OxiClean
11. BraBABY
12. Broccoli Wad
13. by.RHO Screen Repair Kit
14. Car Cane
15. Cardio Jump
16. Chillow
17. Chinpilla
18. Citi Kitty
19. Clean Reach
20. DrainWig
21. Dump Dinners
22. Egg Genie
23. EGGstractor
24. Emson Bacon Wave
25. EZ Moves Furniture Mover
26. Fanny Bank
27. Fasta Pasta
28. Fat Magnet
29. Finishing Touch Flawless Women's Painless Hair Remover
30. Fir-Real Sauna
31. Flex Seal
32. Flowbee
33. Forearm Forklift
34. FURminator
35. Genie Bra
36. GoGo Pillow
37. GoPilot Portable Urinal
38. Groomaroo Pet Trimmer
39. Hair Bean
40. Hawaii Chair
41. HD Vision Night Wraparounds
42. Heeltastic
43. Hercules Hook
44. Hot Huez Hair Chalk
45. Inflatable Buffet
46. Instant Arm Lift
47. InStyler
48. Light Up Links
49. Long Reach Comfort Wipe
50. Magic Mesh
51. Meatball Magic
52. Miracle Blade Set*
53. Neck Magic Air Cushion
54. Neckline Slimmer
55. NutriBullet
56. One Touch Can Opener
57. Ove Glove
58. PackIt Freezable Lunch Bag
59. Pajama Jeans
60. PedEgg
61. Perfect Meatloaf Pan
62. Perfect Polly
63. Pocket Hose
64. Poo Trap
65. Poo-Pourri Before-You-Go Toilet Spray
66. Potato Express
67. Potty Putter
68. Pressure Pro Pressure Cooker
69. Red Copper Square Pan
70. Rejuvenique Mask
71. Rodent Sheriff
72. Ronco Food Dehydrator
73. Sauna Pants
74. Schticky
75. Scrub Daddy Sponge
76. Shake Weight
77. Shamwow
78. Siamese Slanket
79. Slap Chop
80. Slobstopper
81. Slumber Sleeve
82. Snuggie
83. Sticky Buddy
84. Stone Wave Micro Cooker
85. T-Rex Trophy Wall Sculpture
86. Talking TP
87. Teddy Tank
88. The Tiddy Bear
89. Topist Angry Mama Microwave Steam Cleaner
90. TubShroom
91. Turbi Twist
92. Turbo Snake
93. TV Free-Way
94. UroClub
95. Veggetti
96. Vidalia Chop Wizard
97. Wax Vac
98. Wipe New
99. Wonder Hanger
00. Wonder Wallet


*Miracle Bade Set consists of two slicers, one carving knife, one rock and chef, one chop and scoop, one filet knife, one cheese knife, four steak knives, one pairing knife, one pair of kitchen shears, a block, and four additional steak knives packaged separately.)

Review Showdown: Mutant Crawl Classics vs Umerican Survival Guide

For this review, I thought I'd pit Goodman Games' Mutant Crawl Classics up against Shield of Faith Studios' Umerican Survival Guide. Both RPGs utilize the Dungeon Crawl Classics system for a post apocalyptic setting.
Caveat #1: For me, Umerican Survival Guide wins any sort of contest between these two offerings. This is MOSTLY because the setting and game are what I'm looking for in a PARPG. I only say mostly, because, as the review will show, USG just has more stuff that I like included than MCC does.
Caveat #2: I'll be upfront in not being sold on the game mechanics of DCC. While there are some interesting ideas, there are too many mechanics that I just don't care for. That being said, I don't hold it against either offering.
Caveat #3: It's interesting that both of these offerings have a nearly equal page count, yet a huge difference in the amount of material you get.

MUTANT CRAWL CLASSICS

From Goodman Games, this PARPG love letter to Gamma World and Metamorphosis Alpha comes in at 282 pages (PDF).

Likes:
Good, evocative artwork that helps to illustrate the setting. Not all the pieces were interesting, and I have to admit I don't care for the style of some of the artists, but that's personal preference, so not a big detraction.
There is a little bit of stuff on languages, but presented in such a way that you really have to do the work in dealing with what languages exist.
Yay! There's a bestiary (even a bit more since mechanical foes are seperated into their own section) and it even includes Spider-Goats! I could wish for a bigger selection, but it does a fair job. I like the Carapod (spider-goat), Cactea Rex, Grasser (a mount), Morticon-66 (though this and the Scavok-69 should have properly been included with the other mechanical beings...and yes the Morticon-66 is an obvious reference to Necron 99 from Ralph Bakshi's Wizards), Piranha Bats, Screamers, and Yvox.  I admit to being a little confused as why mutant insects are "devils" when they're also a variant of manimal. Some of the entries, such as Byte-Mon, Changelings (Mimics with a name change...back to fantasy games with you), Data Ghosts, Gopher-Men, Pyrosomes, Quantum Cats, Silane Serpents (which seem like a poor man's Sand Worm conversion), Smart Mud, and Tetravalents felt like fairly weak choices.
Mechanical beings, including androids, cyborgs, AIs, robots, and holograms are given pretty decent coverage.
An actual, honest to goodness Table of Contents, with the caveat that a couple of chapters got shafted (Archaic Alignments and Bestiary A.D. are only Chapter listings, with no entries for them). This is likely because of the artwork used to "spice up" the TOC pages, but unfortunately this starts to fall into the 'detracting artwork' usage that I don't care for (it is an interesting attempt, but since it negatively effects the usage of the TOC, I'd rather not have it present).
There's a good selection of technological artifacts to play with.
For what this game does, it is well laid out with two columns used to good effect.
There's a sample adventure included to help you get started.
The classes have level titles. I always liked level titles, since their usage as a sort of ranking system seems to make sense in an in-game aspect.

Neutral:
Archaic Alignments. I really want to like this faction-based alternative to alignment, but between the limited selection and feeling that it really doesn't add much to the game, I'm on the fence about bothering with it.
The map is kind of iffy for me as well, it looks like there's some interesting geographical features present, but the terrain representation color pallette rubs me the wrong way and decreases the utility of the map.
Patron AIs. For a technologically based magic system this seemed really limited. The various Patron AIs are pretty interesting though.

Dislikes:
Yes, I don't really care for the basic fantasy with technology setting, especially since it seems somewhat poorly implemented here. I'm not sure if I can clarify how I find the setting to be off-putting, but we'll see.
Zero Level Occupations. I really, really, really felt that (due to the setting design) this was the single most weakest aspect of MCC. TWO options, and fairly boring ones at that.
Classes. Yup we see here Race-as-Class :( I do have to admit that the deliberate breakdown reflects a PA approach to B/X D&D with four human classes and three racial classes...which despite my dislike of Race-as-Class I actually liked for the most part as it covers fighter, magic-user, cleric, and thief and includes mutant humans, mutant animals, AND mutant plants. I understand the lack of mechanical races as design intent, but am saddened by it.
Manimal & Plantient Sub-Types. I like that the tables where included, however, I feel the implementation was mediocre. Just presenting (fairly limited) lists with no mechanical differentiation doesn't really make the grade in what I'm looking for, combined with the limited mutation powers (covered later), I don't really feel like manimals or plantients are really viable as playable options.
Confusing currency system. At many points we're told that barter is the basis of currency, yet there are references to 'trinkets' ("small, otherwise worthless pieces of duralloy, plasteel, and permaglass") and Creds, with no real explanation or expansions given.
The currency system then brings us to equipment. In addition to the limited starting equipment of professions, we are only given a small table (half a page) of additional beginning equipment. No other equipment is really listed, which means that the prospective judge has to create their own stuff. This also detracts from the setting (putting it less as a medieval fantasy with tech than a stone-age fantasy with tech) by not giving little details (like foods, drink, etc.) that help flesh out the setting..there is some of this but it's so limited as to add very little.
Mutations. There is a fair offering of different mutation powers and defects. Unfortunately I feel the decisision to tie the system into DCC's magic mechanics actually detracts from the point of having mutant powers.
No skill system.
HUGE lack of survival mechanics. Even the saving throws aren't really useful. I also find the Radburn/Glowburn mechanic to be kind of meh...you take damage from radiation, but can carry around radioactive stuff to power your powers. That's pretty counter-intuitive.

Summary
Yeah, once you really get down to it, for it's size, there's really not much here other than some very basic stuff to create characters for this game. It really lacks GM aids and other features which would make it a full game.


UMERICAN SURVIVAL GUIDE (Delve Cover)

Shield of Faith Studios brings us Reid San Felippo's gonzo 288 page post apocalyptic supplement for DCC.

Likes:
As with MCC, the Umerican Survival Guide has some good supporting artwork. Sure there's a few less than good pieces of art, but the only real downside is the repeat use of some of the art.
One of the best actual Table of Contents of the PARPGs I've reviewed to date. THIS is how to do an RPG TOC folks.
The setting is something I think I'd want to play in, though I'd naturally make my own changes and tweaks. The best part about the presentation of the setting is that the author focuses on the basics of life. This section of the book is one of the most useful and well implemented sections I've seen, with lots of little details presented that really bring the setting to life. A slight technical issue with the lack of refence to the related survival mechanics which means you have to do a bit of searching to find them, but they are there.
Here is a currency system for the post apocalypse that is usable. It's broken down into different commodities (with more specific examples to help define each unit of currency) and how they compare in value to each other. My only caveat is the lack of inclusion of "pure water" as a currency (I'd personally lodge them into the electrum piece equivalent for value).
This has a darn good equipment section, with some quite interesting armor and weapon mechanics.
Vehicles and Vehicle Combat Rules! This section litterally rules, I'm even thinking of adopting this to be my go to rules for Vehicular Combat (though I'd probably tweak some areas).
Survival Mechanics. They're included, somewhat rules-lite, but at least they're there and implemented.
While I'd prefer a 100-entry offering, the Umerican Random Occupation table is pretty dang good.
Random Junk Tables. A selection of random junk tables broken down into different types of items. Yes, I'd like more entries and maybe some more categories, but this does a better than servicable job, and I'd rate it as better than one single d100 table for random junk.
GM utilities and advice. There's a lot of good stuff here, some of it scattered through various areas of the book, though there is a GM section. The only thing I'd recommend is maybe tacking Other Dust's GM tools onto this to help create things (though there's some CUBM articles of use in this area).
Gazeteer. While I think there was a bit too much focus on the Citadel of Scrap, the overview of the different areas of the setting was darn good, enough to be usuable, but still let you get more information from CUBM.
There's more than a few factions presented throughout the book which really helps the setting.

Neutral:
Sadly, I'm on the fence about the classes of the USG. On one hand, there's a good variety of classes (a dozen classes are included), which fill my HAVM requirements for the most part. On the downside, the Mutant Race-as-Class doesn't make a real distinction between mutant animals, mutant humans, mutant plants, and mutant aggregates (that would be minerals...rocks, stones, etc.) which is really a bummer. The inclusion of mutant badgers really underscores this area of lack. Compared to MCC, the Bestial, Botanical, and Aggregate Subtables really differentiate between differing species, though the offerings are somewhat limited. While the cleric, warrior, and wizard classes are pretty much straight from DCC, modified to reflect the PA setting, the scavenger, petrol head, and technologist classes really bring a lot to the setting. The Race-as-Class Cyborg, Robot, and Gray are welcome inclusions. I'm a bit on the fence about the Feral Urchin though.
Overall, there seemed to be a limited number of mutations, though they were implemented quite well.
Gods and Patrons. There's some pretty good stuff here, I'd say I'd be more inclined to tweak it than use it outright though.

Dislikes:
No bestiary. I'm going to be blunt and admit I'd rather that the sections of the Citadel of Scrap were dumped (and moved to an issue of Crawling Under a Broken Moon), and the monsters from CUBM were incorporated into this book and expanded instead.
No maps. (Caveat: Reid San Filippo said that the world map is coming later and wasn't included for a reason.) Both the lack of world map, and (since the focus on this book is the Citadel of Scrap) a lack of map of the Citadel is really disappointing.
While overall the equipment is well done, I felt that there was a lack of high-tech artifacts of the ancients. MCC does this a bit better, I think.
Lack of languages. While there is some brief mention of languages under a few of the classes, that's it.

Summary
Despite being designed as a supplement to DCC, and not a stand-alone game, the Umerican Survival Guide feels more complete overall than MCC.

OVERALL
The Umerican Survival Guide is just packed with more useful material for a post apocalyptic game overall, in roughly the same amount of pages. The biggest downfall of the USG is the lack of bestiary, this is one of the few areas where Mutant Crawl Classics has an advantage (I'd also say that the Technological Artifacts are the other main advantage of MCC over USG).  Both of these games have additional supplements out there, but the Crawling Under a Broken Moon fanzine is something I'd rate above having various adventure only supplements of MCC.

Post Apocalyptic RPG Review Guide

After having done a few reviews of various Post Apocalyptic Role Playing Games (PARPGs), I figured I keep repeating the same basic likes and dislikes about the games. I thought I should probably codify my basic list of features that I'm looking for in order to save having to rephrase the same things over and over again. I've also been debating including a rating system (probably a 1-20 scale so I can use an illustration of D20 with the rating number) for the games, based on how many like points vs dislike points the game accrues. I'm iffy on this because these reviews are mostly about what I like or dislike about the games, so it would really be a subjective rating.

BASIC POINTS

Artwork
    For me, the artwork, good or bad, has to support the setting and spark the imagination. A good cover is a great reason for me to even look at them game, whereas a minimalist cover is off-setting. I'm not going to hold it against an indie game that has to use cheap or no artwork because $, but no real bonus points either. Excessive artwork that starts to intrude on the page layout (or jack up the price of the product) is worse than no artwork. I don't mind big illustrations, even full page spreads, but fancy border art, background images, and other flourishes that detract from usage are a no-go.

Basic Setting
    This boils down to what kind of post apocalyptic game the setting is. I prefer a more Fallout/Mad Max/After the Bomb approach than the fantasy after an apocalypse, with technological items instead of magic items approach.

Classes
    Not Race-as-Class, but completely independent classes/occupations. Background systems are good options instead, but make a better bonus to the class options.

Currency System
    I prefer a good, post apocalyptic variant system of currency in my games. Fallout's Bottlecaps, Rad-Hack's Slugs, or Umerica's currency system are all good in my opinion. From there we get to a graded system of  currencies that I prefer: Abstract < Barter < Credits < Gold/Silver Coinage < Made Up Currencies (Darwin World's Corium Pieces, Gamma World's Domars, etc.) < PA Currency

Equipment
    Got to have equipment tables with a decent amount of options (and prices). Random Starting Equipment tables are a bonus on top of that. For real bonus points there are two things: Improvised scavenged weapons, armor, and equipment, and equipment breakdown rules.

Monsters
    These could be enemies, encounters, adversaries, etc. I want two things, a good post-apocalyptic feel (poorly done fantasy rip-offs need not apply), and there has to be a decent selection. 100 monsters is a fair offering, 200 is a good offering, more than 500 might be a bit too much. On including basic animals, I have to admit that I'm on the fence. As a base for mutated versions, they should probably be included. For basic monsters, I'd rather see that post-apocalyptic feel. I also like a good selection (more than half a dozen; 20-100 would be best) of robot enemies and plant enemies. There are also certain basic post apocalyptic monsters that I like to see, things like morlocks, unusually sized rodents, jackalopes, spidergoats, radioactive scorpions, mutant (or robotic) riding beasts, psychic masterminds, and even techno-undead (think the Y-17 Trauma Harness or Ghouls from Fallout).

Mutations/Powers
    Not all powers have to be mutations; psychic powers, cyborg implants, robot features, etc. However, I like to have a good selection of what is offered. 20-30 or so offerings is really low end for these. 100 mutations is much better. 100 or more of each type of power is bonus points.

Races
    I like a nice spread on what I call the HAVM Option. Human, Animal, Vegetable, and Mechanical. A good PARPG should have pure humans, mutant humans, mutant animals, mutant plants, and robots/androids/cyborgs. There are some additional bonus point races that I would consider, such as clones, holograms, "ghost" mutants (creatures with hidden mutations...usually psychic powers), mutants that pass as pure humans (or try to), trans-humans, and possibly aliens.

Random Junk Tables
    At least 100 entries is cool. Multiple tables, especially if they're broken down in some useful way (i.e. by location or by equipment type) is bonus points.

Skill System
    I like having skill systems in my games.

Survival Mechanics
    Starvation, Dehydration, Radiation Poisoning (or mutating), Fatigue, Encumbrance, Healing, Poison, and Disease are pretty much my minimal requirements for survival rules. Sleep, Suffocation/Drowning, Heat & Cold, Insanity, and Environmental Effects add bonus points. Technically, I should include drugs/chems and intoxication rules, but I generally leave those in with the equipment/treasure section of the game.


BONUS POINTS

Cool Character Sheet
    There are a lot of great designs for character sheets out there. Then there are some that don't quite hit the mark.

Domain Level Play
    Maybe this is just settlement survival/improvement, or maybe it's actual rules for controlling territory, but rules for this stuff is serious bonus points. Sure a good PARPG should start at the survival level, but from there it should move into exploration and domain level play.

Factions (Cryptic Alliances)
    Probably the best thing from Gamma World was the inclusion of different factions with different goals, membership, and features. This helps cement the setting and makes for more play-ability. I also like wacky post apocalyptic cults and strange religions.

GM Tools
    These can be anything from random tables to useful advice, but more is better.

Hirelings & Henchmen
    While I've never really used these in my games, I'm trying to include them more.

Languages and Setting Terminology
    Having a list (even a small one) of different languages for the game is another thing that helps cement the setting. Setting jargon or slang does even more to help this along (though I'd suggest limiting the list of terms to two pages max in order not to bog down play-ability).

Leveling System and Experience Points
    I like good leveling systems that make the characters seem better able to survive the post apocalyptic world as they increase their abilities.

Map and Setting Information
    I love maps. The old idiom about a picture being worth a thousand words is multiplied ten-fold for maps. As far as setting goes, I may or may not use the game's setting, but it's nice to have a least a little idea of what the game designers' are trying to get you to play.

Monster Creation Rules
    Another area of bonus points, *IF* included on top of a decent bestiary.

Mutant Animal and Mutant Plant Basics
    I like having a lot of options, so having a huge selection of different basic animals and plants to mutate from is a good bonus.

Optional Rules
    Rules that you can use or discard as you desire means I have more options for game play. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can always use or discard whatever rules you want, but some games have a ton of rules for every conceivable thing (like FGU's Aftermath) to the point where you might get bogged down in knowing how things work, and other games are so rules light as to be almost unplayable. Having designated optional rules makes it easier to pick and choose what you want to do.

Random Ruin Generation
    Hearkening back to Dungeons & Dragons, random dungeon creation material is always a bonus.

Settlement Rules and/or Random Generation
    Any tools in this department help out the prospective game master.

Vehicles & Vehicle Combat Rules
    Go all Mad Max. Though I have to admit to having difficulty picking a vehicle combat system that I really like. I kind of envision a system that's a cross between Mille Bornes (the classic racing game) and Twisted Metal combat. Of course you also have to have vehicle modifications.


NEUTRAL BY PREFERENCE

Magic
    I can take it or leave it. But I would give bonus points for representing some sort of technological magic system.


TECHNICAL ISSUES

Extras
    Player handouts, character sheets, hex/graph paper you can copy, paper dice forms, and other goodies that are included with the game are awesome (even if you may not use them). Having to shell out extra bucks for card expansions, special dice, splat books (because the core book is missing a bunch of things needed to play it), etc. are lame. I don't mind if there's a miniatures line or you want to bust out the diecast cars (and modify them) to help aid play, but I don't want to need some basic thing to play the game that I have to pay extra for.

Game Mechanics
    I know a lot of people have different preferences for their game mechanics so I don't tend to focus on a game's mechanics unless it is either a simple, elegantly awesome way to handle something (or a good optional rule) or if I find it to be profanity-inducing stupid.

Page Layout
    This is surprisingly a fairly big deal for me. Sure good information and/or artwork is a good thing. Wasted page space leading to page count bloat is a very bad thing. I also have to admit I prefer a two-column text layout to other layouts (even if it's a main text column and a sidebar column). I do give a pass to tables and lists that break away from the two column layout, sometimes you just need a full page for the table, or four columns for a list of things; I recommend breaking your table or lists down into sub-categories if more than one page of coverage is needed though.

Table of Contents
    Chapter/Section Listings are NOT a good TOC. Show me the major sections of each chapter as well. I also want to see the full list of monsters in the TOC.

The Review Hack

Here are some quick reviews of rules light Post Apocalyptic Role Playing Games, primarily based on The Black Hack ruleset.

The WasteLand Hack by Feral Games
A quick, basic Fallout-style Black Hack RPG coming in at 34 pages. (Note, I only have the original, non-revised edition.)

Likes:

• Probably the lightest rules version of a table top Fallout RPG.
• Best survival rules (radiation, starvation, dehydration, sleep) of any Black Hack PA offering.*
• Background and Class included.

Dislikes:

• Barter system of currency (yet it uses "new Dollars").
• Settlement system (good that this is included, bad that it is a very Fallout 4 settlement system...YMMV).
• Minimal equipment/gear inclusion.

*With the exception of Rad-Hack's Radiation rules.
Overall, if you want to play Fallout on the table, this is a good, inexpensive option.

The Wasted Hack by Shattered Pike Studio (Aaron Frost)
A general post apocalyptic role playing game (PARPG) based on The Black Hack that clocks in at 102 pages.

Likes:

• An actual table of contents.
• Well integrated rules for features, mutations, and gear.
• Pretty dang good leveling up system.
• Some nice quick and dirty advanced enemy options.
• Schematic weapons.
• Decent equipment table.
• Interestingly designed character sheet.
• Monster Cards for quick reference.

Dislikes:

• Classes only, one of which is a Race-as-Class, but still pretty limited option-wise.
• Credits as currency. Better than barter or abstract systems, but not by much in my opinion.
• Kinda limited weapon and armor selection.
• Somewhat limited mutation selection.
• Luck Points. I believe luck is in the die rolls and shouldn't be a game mechanic, but that's purely a personal preference.
• The somewhat limited and fantasy-like monsters, even though this is expanded by Waste-Land Beasts and How to Kill Them.
• Somewhat limited artwork that is average quality.
• Too much wasted space in the layout, which expands the page count.

Overall, this is probably the best of the Black Hack PARPG offerings for game mechanics.

Rad-Hack by Karl Stjernberg
A general PARPG based on The Black Hack covered in 36 pages.

Likes:

• Fairly good Class selection, though I do miss plants and cyborgs as options.
• Slugs as a currency, it may also be ammunition, but it is still a better option than barter, abstract, or credit systems. About on par with gold/silver systems.
• The artwork, I'd say Karl Stjernberg is one of the go-to artists for post-apocalyptic gonzo artwork.
• Random professions on top of classes.
• Fairly decent equipment list.
• Equipment Degradation rules.
• Nice Radiation effects table.
• I like the interesting Creature Reaction table.
• Vehicles and vehicle combat.
• Fairly good selection of post apocalyptic creatures.
• Great maps.

Dislikes:

• Leveling Up system is kind of weak.
• Limited Mutation, (Robot) Modules, and Psionics lists (this sort of limitation is quite possibly by design, but I prefer a LOT of options personally).
• Limited armor and weapon examples, however, since these are examples of types of weapons, a slightly expanded selection (for example a d6 table) would have been good.

Overall, this is the best looking Black Hack PARPG offering, with quite a bit of good stuff that could be ported into The Wasted Hack. I'd personally recommend using the classes from here, along with the currency, radiation rules, vehicle stuff, and then just throwing in the creatures, gear, mutations into The Wasted Hack.

The Wastes Lite Post-Apoclapytic Roleplaying Game by JEN Games (James T. Kato)
A rules-lite PARPG, not based on The Black Hack, that comes in at 23 pages.

Likes:

• The majority of this book is just random tables to work with, very minimalist, yet at the same time quite inclusive.
• A d300 wasteland junk table.
• Waste Adversaries and Waste Encounters are great minimalist tables which give you lots of stuff to play with.

Dislikes:

• Probably the most rules lite game in this review, while this can be advantageous to some, I find the lack of rules for things like starvation, dehydration, radiation, encumbrance, currency, and so forth somewhat lacking in utility.
• The 'mutations' and starting equipment are combined into one table of Character Advantages. A good selection of stuff (d100 table), but I would have preferred to split it.

Overall, The Wastes Lite is a pretty good minimalist toolkit that could be used for any PARPG with some work, as a standalone RPG, it is probably a bit too lightweight.